I am one of those people who has delusions of grandeur for my life. I like to imagine myself head to toe in Prada walking down the city streets to my glamorous job. This job brings me power, popularity, or a huge salary. Preferably all three. As I walk around with these visions in my head, I can easily change the soundtrack to my life on my iPod to fit any one of these aspects. All I need is a camera crew and a Sarah Jessica Parker narration.
Unfortunately, this is not my reality. The life of an unemployed 20-somethings is extremely unglamorous. I’m writing this post because,
#1 I know many people have gone through this situation
#2 Many of my fellow 20-somethings are in the same boat
#3 I feel the need to vent
#4 I’m shamelessly looking for a little sympathy here!
I’ll begin with my unglamorous wardrobe. My clothes are far from Prada and, while they are decently made, I am constantly pushing up the sleeves of my Gap sweater to hide the little hole on the shoulder. I walk with a slight wobble because I’m afraid that the heel on my over-worn shoe might snap off at any minute. This is not exactly the kind of image I like to imagine.
Another unglamorous thing is my living situation. I live with family friends completely off of their charity. No feelings of empowerment there, although it is a great lesson in humility. Even though they have been kind and wonderful to me, I am constantly stressed that I will be in their way or inconveniencing them. I tip toe around and turn the volume down so low on my laptop I can hardly hear it.
Applying for jobs is also extremely unglamorous. Yes, I know everyone has to do it but I sometimes wonder if the interviewers even remember what it feels like. You get looked at up and down and judged on the hole in your sweater or the scuff marks on your shoes. You sit there, knowing your future is in their hands and they stare coldly at your resume and make you defend all the accomplishments you have been so proud of and worked so hard for.
No, I am not out on the street or starving (although restaurant food is officially off the menu) but the humiliation, stress and rejection is starting to wear me down. I spent years working hard in school and working in extremely unglamorous part-time jobs. I made people blizzards at Dairy Queen and would leave work covered head to toe in ice cream but I didn’t mind because I thought that working hard would give me the chance to achieve my dreams of a glamorous life. I sat at home “unglamorously” studying while my friends went to bars and keg parties in high school and college. I did this because I thought a high GPA would help me achieve a glamorous life in the future.
I sit here and I see my delusions of grandeur slowly disappearing before my eyes and no matter how hard I try to reach out and grab a hold of that life, it’s completely out of my power.
Thank you for bearing with me and listening to me complain. I look forward to your sweet sympathetic comments or your extremely motivational comments which let me know that I am just whining and that everyone goes through my situation. Either way, I love to hear from you!